(The part in which things become most definitely unraveled.)

It’s been 47 days, nine hours, 22 minutes and thirteen, fourteen, fifteen –

LIW is part of the family. She’s inserted herself so neatly into our lives that when I try to remember what it was like pre-LIW my brain stutters.

It looks like she’s going to be joining me at school, and the thought of her getting all new pencils and a pencil box and crayons and fresh notebook paper nearly pops the top of my head off.

What started as a Be Polite to the Guest Transplanted from Pioneer Times has now become LIW’s full-time residence in my top bunk. Every night I’m forced to glower up at her and imagine her many horrible deaths.

Because really, she’s still so stupid.

Yesterday, she tried to look UNDER the lawnmower while it was ON. Sadly, Dad pushed her away and then had an overly sincere discussion with LIW about the brutal virtues of whirring blades.

I was this close to getting her to pry the toast out with a knife when Mom yanked the power cord out of the wall. The plug did end up hitting LIW above her left eyebrow, but that just became another exercise in how to coddle her even further.

I skinned both knees to blood yesterday after falling off my skateboard and no one even looked up. Too busy watching LIW do a fashion show of all of Mom’s clothes from the 70s.

Even my little sister has succumbed. Probably because LIW actually lets her hang around and be annoying. You’re about the same age as Grace, LIW says, stroking my little sister’s bangs. My little sister practically drools.

So I’ve decided to stage a coup d’état. I’ve got about two months left before the end of 5th grade. Once summer vacation starts, it will be beyond my control, because that’s when camps start.

I’ll be damned if LIW is going to summer camp.

Advertisements