I am, quite literally, in danger of sneezing my head off.

After the last one, I felt my eyelids readjust as my head settled back onto my neck.

Just making sure all the facts are out there.

I’ve been home alone since last Wednesday, as it’s that time of year again, when C heads to the hinterlands of Utah for this nondescript little event called the Sundance Film Festival. While there, he performs all sorts of small and large miracles, has near-nervous breakdowns and gets to rub elbows with lots of artists and musicians and stuff.

When possible, I join him, but this year felt like I needed to stay in town after being off in another hinterlands shooting a tv show.

Note: Vancouver, BC gets my vote for feeling enough like home that I wanted to move there almost immediately, but not SO much like home that I felt an uncomfortable crawling sensation down my back.

Whenever C is out of town, I find myself at the mercy of myself, which can have some odd, and slightly messy, results.

Example 1: When C is home, at least any chaos involving piles of dishes, stacks of clothing, unidentified creatures forming from dust can be blamed on BOTH of us. When he’s gone, it’s just me. And good lord – I’m capable of domestic destruction in a single….bound?

Example 2: I’ve been told I’m “verbal.” (thank you, therapist-helper-person) Apparently, when alone, I’m VERY verbal. So maybe I’m talking this entire blog out loud as I type it. So what. So what what.

Example 3: Last night, in the dead hours, the smoke alarm went off. Had C been in the bed with me, I likely would have sprung from its depths, charged through the house seeking even the tiniest wisp of smoke, and declared the all-clear only after hosing down the place. Instead, alone, I just lay there. Oh. That’s the uh…the uh…smoke alarm. Huh. Don’t smell nuthin’. Don’t see nuthin’. Huh. It only beeped for a little bit, and then I literally lay in bed for five minutes debating whether to brave the freezing wood floor to ensure my own safety. I fantasized about jumping from our second story window. I planned on landing very precisely in a bush. But that would mean I’d need to put some shoes on. So my feet wouldn’t get stabbed by the pokey bush. Huh.

Example 4: I’m very busy. I’m, like, the busiest person you wish you knew. I have places to go. I have people who want to meet me.

I have a lot of fantasies.

Seriously, I’ve been very busy, but also, on the wrong side of what I’ve dubbed the Chameleon Cold. I’ve had some variation, some hue of this damned affliction for the past almost-month. It keeps changing color and pattern, but basically, it exists to try my ever. loving. PATIENCE. Today, it’s taken on the sneezing and sniffling cast. Suck it, Chameleon Cold. You bastard.

So I drink huge amounts of hot tea and spend more time than usual in the bathroom. Sigh.

On a brighter note, I’m really enjoying my bangs.

Joy Osmanski's Bangs