I type that a lot. Usually like this: GAH. It’s a word that can encompass surprise, guilt, abject horror.
Olivia stares at me dolefully. Alas, I fear she has no other stare.
Olivia is one of my cats. When I got divorced, I ended up with the cats. He got the dog. I love animals.
The other cat, Aurora (is that really a difficult name to say?), is far more of a lover/toker. I’m actually convinced she lights up when we’re not home. She is unperturbed by sound, smell, and unusually, sight.
But wait – this isn’t a dang cat blog. Okay, what am I trying to do here. I follow blogs that actually accomplish something. News, entertainment, thoughtful insight, unique perspective – what I’m saying is that I can see how, amongst the masses of inevitably narcissistic writings, it would be lovely to contribute something different.
Unfortunately, I’m just kind of bored.
So I’ll start with what I know and can’t change. I’m Asian – Korean, to be exact. Well, I think. More on that later. I’m an adoptee – from previously mentioned country (same caveats apply). I’m an actor. Holy shit – the fact that that’s a fact is nothing short of a miracle. Another fact – this isn’t my first blog. My first blog is anonymous. It’s still out there, riding the cyber wave. That blog started as an experiment just to see what it felt like to write in a public forum (YouTube comments don’t count). But I was chicken and didn’t put my name on it. Also, no one read it. I’m sure I thought the brilliance of my writing would somehow capture the imagination of a vast audience who would be obsessed with learning my identity.
Lesson: No one cares.
I’m cynical sometimes – a fact that startles people. I think a lot of people think I’m rarely, if ever cynical. Basically, I’m a happy person. But I have a dark place where no one pays the electric bill. Dark, dark, dark. And that’s what the nameless blog did. Gave me a place to be cozy in the dark. I liked it. Smelled good, like gingersnaps. But ultimately, it’s a cop-out.
Right now, it kind of scares the poop out of me – the idea of people I know reading this. Echhhhh. The way I get rankled at FB comments…jesus, I’m sure this will be much worse. But after awhile, you start realizing that it really doesn’t matter. Opinions and assholes and blah blah blah. It’s all good. I’m impatient with misanthropes but maybe that’s because I secretly am one.
So here’s my goal: To write consistently, to write honestly.